My Immortal Parody
by FelixLiquidLuckFelicis
Summary: Parody of the infamous fic My Immortal written by...Tara Gilesbie!
1. Chapter 1

**Parody of the infamous fic My Immortal by Xxxbloodyrist666xxX AKA Tara Gilesbie**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way although Ebony can be spelled Enoby Eboby Enobby or other variations. I have ginger hair because my idiot parents thought I'd have black hair even though NEITHER of them even had black hair,retardedness runs in the family. But I dyed it black because I'm goffick and I also have purple streaks and red tips and my hair reaches my mid back.I have icy blue eyes that are like prep's tears because for some reason all the goffs cry blood.

A lot people tell me I look like a goffick weirdo cos no one in the wizarding world hasn't heard of Amy Lee. I don't wish I was related to Gerard Way because incest is illegal-duh!

I'm a vampire but miracle of miracles my teeth are straight and white. I have pale skin. I'm also a witch yet somehow I know about muggle punk goth music (?).

I go to a magic school in SCOTLAND where I'm in seventh year. I'm a goth and like all goths I wear bright pink!**(to be read sarcastically) **Because there is no Hot Topic shops even in the UK, I shop at Flaming Matter. All my clothes come from there. I shall bore you with boring details of my clothes. Today I was wearing a black corset blah blah blah gothic skirt blah blah white foundation even though my skin is already perfect and pale.

I was walking outside Hogwarts.A meteorological phenomenon was occurring but I was too busy being goffick to register it. A lot of preps stared at me so I put my middle finger up at them...cos I'm a rebel and hardcore.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice it was...pathetic-attempt-at-a-dramtic-pause...Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing"he said shyly

"Since when are you shy?" I demanded

But then I decided I was bored so I just walked off pretending my friends called me.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day I woke up in my bedroom which is strange because I fell asleep in the sink in the bathroom. The meteorological phenomenon was happening again but gothicness is more important than weather phenomenons. My coffin was black on the outside and pink on the inside. I would go into detail but who wants to hear me describe my deeply gothic coffin? I put on gothic clothes blah blah corset blah blah blah I'm showing my boobs but I'm totes not a slut blahdey blah blah...etc. etc.

My friend Willow who has an illness where she cannot open her eyes until she sits up grins a flicks her long black hair. She is a poor soul and needs help physically and mentally because like me she is a psycho. She also puts on slutty goffick clothes and we both proceeded on put on our freaky make-up.

"Like totes OMFG I like totes saw you totes talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" She said excitedly in her annoying psycho voice.

"Yeah? So?"I said blushing

"So do you totes like Draco like?"She asked as we left the Slytherin common room and suddenly entered the Great Hall without the need to pass through hallways and stairs because we are totes above the preppy-ness of that!

"Like totes freaking no!"I lied

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then Draco walked up to me.

I hoped this conversation would be less boring,longer and his personality would be back to normal.

"Hi" he said.

Really "Hi" that's the best he can do?!But I like this guy even if he is a weirdo.

"Hi"I replied flirtily

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Well Acceptable Charles are having a concert in Hogsmeade" AN:Because Good Charlotte do not exist in the wizarding world as super-tard Tara Gilesbie has failed to observe

"Oh. My. Gothic. God." I exclaimed like a super tard!"I love AC!They are my SECOND favourite band because my favourite band is My Alchemical Affair Of The Heart" Not MCR,who has time for filthy muggle bands?'

"Well do you want to go with me super tard or are you going to just going to stand there worshipping some gothic god?"

I gasped! :O :O :O :O


	3. Chapter 3

**Fake A.N. **Stop flamin prepz fangz to Cuckoo **Parody of Raven!:D** for making my story fit for the eyes of the world!I HATE YOU REVIEWERS!**JK I love you reviewers! :D**

On the night of the concert I put on slutty goffick clothes and I made my hair "spiky" and I put on goffick make up. I felt depressed so I told a responsible adult because SLITTING YOUR WRISTS IS NOT THE ANSWER!I put on some pink lipstick and powder blue eyeshadow and some black eyeliner to make it goffick!Because black makes everything goffick,obvs!I drank some orange juice because if I can slit my wrists and they bleed THEN I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT A VAMPIRE!**A.N Am I the only one who's noticed that she's a vampire but she can bleed...?**

I went outside. Draco was waiting in front of his giant unicorn(It was black so it was totes goffick preps!) He was wearing an Easy Course Of Action T-Shirt (Draco has no time for filthy muggle bands either-we are TOTES made for each other!) baggy black pants,pink nail varnish,red lipstick and eyeliner (Cool boys wear make up OK...and because he's worth it!)

"Hey hey hey oi oi oi oi oi oi oi hey hey hey hey hey DDDDRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAACCCC CCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I said in a depressed voice

"Hey Ebony...?" He said in a confused voice-obviously dazzled by my beauty!We walked over to the unicorn, (the ass said 666) on the way there we sang happy rainbow songs and ate Jelly Babies!When we got there we hopped off the unicorn in a slide of goffick rainbows!We went to the mosh armpit and moshed as we listened to Acceptable Charles.

"We so goffick yeah yeah yeah jndn rjifenkjrnwiknrf nfjwnnm;f nfrjnfjow;rjnw ;weroijnr rnrfe;jwno GOFFICKKKKKK niknfjnre rfveje rnfbbj febhbfhrb GOFFICKNEESSSSS injdlnaldnfjnvk" sang Moe (I OWN those lyrics!)

"Moe is totes magotes a hottayyyy"I yelled at Draco pointing to a random seal in the corner as Moe sang. Suddenly sad music came on and and blood tear rolled down Draco's cheek and the song 'All By Myself" played and everyone looked at me and someone yelled "SHHAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEEEEE on YOU!" as the seal attacked me.

Suddenly I caught on "Hey OMG I totes like you better Draco!" I said as the seal tried to bite my face.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively putting his arm around the seal and hugging it as I kicked the seal in the balls.

"But I would have liked you more if you helped me with the whole SEAL ATTACK THING!"I complained

"Soz babes" said Draco apologetically"But I'm bispecies I'm attracted to animals as well as humans and girlfriend that seal was FIERCE and don't you try to deny it!"

"Ok and anyway Moe is going out with the blonde Bearded Nun,I hate that Nun!" I said disgustedly, thinking of her/his/it's ugly blonde face.

The night was amazeballs! We had super-de-duper time! After the concert we drank apple juice and asked Barney and Moe for their autographs and we had our pictures taken with them,I was totes OMGing!We got AC concert robes. Draco and I jumped on to the unicorn leaving behind a trail of rainbows but Draco didn't go back to Hogwarts instead he went….back to the future!Just kidding,he went to in to the Forbidden Forest!


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's short,I'll update soon!**

"DRACO!" I whispered to express my extreme anger!"What in the name of hi-diddly-ho do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the unicorn and slid down the rainbow slide and I followed him,stalkerishly.

"What the totes magotes hell?!" I asked angrily.

"Enoby,Ebony,Mary-Sue whatever your name is" He said

"What?" I snapped.

He leaned in extra-close and I looked into his goffick periwinkle blue eyes which revealed goffick happiness,rainbows,sorrow,depressing and evilness and I suddenly didn't feel mad any more.

And then…suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately we decided to go over and snog the tree. Then we went back to snogging eachother and he took off what little clothes I was wearing and I took off his clothes. Then he put his kididdlehopper in my doodley-doo and we did it for the first time.

"Oh!Oh!Oh!" I screamed "Fasinating!" As I inspected organisms on the tree. We started to kiss the tree while doing it and my pale body went all warm then….…

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU CRAZY FOOLS?!"

It was…Mr. D!(AKA Professor Dumbledore!)


End file.
